POLITICAL SCIENCE VERSE

SARAH

Like the Catholic priest who thought he had mastered sexual intercourse by studying the Vatican Manual, everything you know about economics you learned by counting frozen mackerel on your husbands fishing boat. Likewise skills acquired driving the kids to subzero hockey games and reheating Tupperware containers of leftover meatloaf, will stand you in good stead when it comes to shepherding ten trillion dollar budgets through Congress or advising the President how to reorganize the military. Experience is no laughing matter. Next comes metaphysical certainty. God made the world in six days and doesnt want men using rubbers. Your whiny hog caller voice sounds like poetry, at least to the Puritanical base who love your manly fortitude. Then theres the school teacher glasses topped by the librarian beehive which go along nicely with your plan to solve Americas energy shortage by pipeling the National Parks and obliterating the polar bear. In the same vein, blasting moose in the back forty qualifies you to negotiate a political settlement between Shia and Sunni as well as head the Six Party Talks to denuke North Korea. True youve never met the head of a foreign power, but the Russian coast is visible from Alaska and you read about Jack Shellac in the funny papers. And just like the notorious Bridge to Nowhere which you opposed then favoured then came out for and against, we know you will apply the same sensible decisiveness to health care, mass transportation and illegal immigration. So God speed, Sarah. Dont let the liberals and media deflect you from your divine mission to save the nation and spread creationism. Tokyo, Saturday, 09/20/08