POLITICAL SCIENCE VERSE

BAGHDAD BABBLE

They crossed the Tigris. They circled Baghdad. Theyre degrading the Republican Guard, flexing their muscles, renaming the airport. Our guys got M16s, F-14s, M1A1Abrams and Bradley Fighting Vehicles. Theyve got AK-47s, Sovietbuilt T72s and rocket propelled grenades. We know theyve got enormous stocks of biochemical weapons. Well find em. Smoking gun. Blister agent. Nerve agent. Told you so. Could be mosquito repellent. Its day. Its night. Its fireballs, mortar and small arms fire. Saddams alive. Saddams dead. Saddams standing on the corner watching all the girls go by. Were sending the Seventh Cavalry, the 101st Airborne, the 3rd Infantry. Weve got Warthogs, Tony Blair, Super Cobras, Strike Eagles and Tom Cats. Theyre hiding in tunnels, hunkered in bunkers, hanging from the rafters. People are cheering. People are desperate. People are funny. Were being shot at, welcomed with open arms, cut to pieces. Heres Phil. Theres Wolf. Over to Nic. Back to Becky. Theyre up in the air, on the ground, down in the dumps. Its hot. Its cold. Its hot and cold. This wars fantastic. This wars a disaster. Streets and markets are seething. Its Saddam. Its Chemical Ali. Its the Chemical Brothers. Were here. Were there. Were everywhere. Im trapped in a firefight, caught in a crossfire, hit by friendly fire. Hes a tyrant. Hes a patriot. A genius. An idiot. Stay tuned. Fightings house to house, room to room, hand to mouth, toe to toe, pillar to post, ass over tea kettle. Its just beginning. Its all over. Open-ended. Closed captioned. Our forces are pressing north, heading south, looking west, bowing to the east. All is calm. All is bright. Be the first to know. The latest reports are deeply disturbing, highly elating, clumsy and ignorant. Thank you. Were stuck in a quagmire. Were in the drivers seat. Were in a quagmire stuck in the drivers seat. Hes entrenched. Shes embedded. Theyre encircled. The Iraqi people are full of hope, draining our resources, brimming with confidence, bleeding us dry. The media is exposing the truth, hiding the facts. Its spectacular. Its hopeless. A cakewalk. A bloodbath. More in a moment.

Tokyo 04/07/03