Jesus of the six car pile-up Christ of the computer crash Jesus of post traumatic stress syndrome Lord of the limited time offer Mohammed of managed health care Buddha of the Robust Nuclear Earth Penetrator Jaweh, god of Fox News and patriotic reporting Moses, prophet of rising flood waters Saint John of the mocha frappuccino Peter of the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Abraham of the Palestine security wall Solomon of the Patriot Act Mary, mother of the National Petroleum Reserve Madonna of synchronized swimming Virgin of the falling poll numbers Joseph of Texas Hold em Jehovah of warrantless wire taps Brigham Young of verbal garlic L. Ron Hubbard of instant religion Manitoo of incredulity towards metanarratives Laotze of the hidden agenda Confucius of night vision goggles Dalai Lama of irrational exuberance Dharmapala of six-pack abs Basho of standardized test scores Shiva of genetically engineered corn Maya of gnawing anxiety Ramikrishna of greenhouse gases Zeus of steroid home runs Apollo of the receding hairline Demeter of lung cancer Homer of bottled water Mother Teresa of males only golf clubs Sakyamuni of the morning after pill Gautama of botox Ignu of self-loathing Raa of Chunky Soup Eros of the dot com bubble Pan of product placement Bob Dylan of coffee enemas Amateratsu of the whinging palm Kanzeon of the division of powers Thor of the five-part action plan Odin of Mister Donut Diana of the genius award Neptune of Aqua Velva Hercules of bodybuilding supplements Tokyo, Thursday, 05/11/06