CAFFEINEGive me liberty or give me coffee. And not just gutless, brakes for small animals, wussy coffee. No weak wimpy instant gratification coffee. I want rich fullflavored hairychested macho brew. Coffee dripping blood. Coffee grown on vast heavily armed Latino plantations. Huge tracts run by ruthless coffee barons sporting bad complexions. Real men. Bastards ready to machinegun insolent peasants. Coffee brewed in casings used to shell unruly villages. I want coffee that spits on the unequal distribution of wealth. Coffee that never offers small growers the fair trade price. That loves dangerous chemicals and refuses to grow in the shade. I want coffee with a bad attitude. Ignorant insolent short tempered Joe not afraid to exploit workers, support dictators, or travel by condom inside the belly of a Colombian housewife. Dont pour me any Nam vet on welfare hard luck coffee. I want robust ballbusting moving forward coffee. Contra coffee. Neocon. AK-47. Ethnic cleansing coffee. Coffee ready to strap dynamite around its waist, murder a priest, stash human body parts inside a deepfreeze. Coffee willing to cheat, ignore and insult people; eager to grab whatever it can from our fast dying planet. Give me killer coffee. No decaf. Coffee guaranteed to rot my bladder and destroy my soul.