WHERE THE BUDDHA WENT WRONGWhen the Buddha finally awakened, he was beat, exhausted, too bleary to say anything meaningful. The responsibility for leading every human being from bungle brained delusion to fully enlightened Nirvana drained him, felt worse than economy class on a doomed airliner. Why couldnt he be like other prophets; lynched by an angry mob or nailed to a fatal cross. Maybe stoned to death or cut to pieces by bloodthirsty Canadian Indians. That way everything would be over quickly, no long drawn out suffering, no endless frustration. Just the big Revelation, martyrdom, then immediately back to Heaven. You didnt see Brigham Young wandering back and forth across America. Poor old bugger trying to save every goddamned soul between Sarasota and downtown Seattle. Likewise, Jesus Christ. How many years did JC waste roaming around Palestine before reboarding the silver space ship. No. The Buddha made a big mistake. Got trapped in a hopeless project. And thats why he looks so weary; sitting crosslegged, nodding into Eternity, wondering how to teach every friggin lamebrain the ultimate answer to absoluty everything. Next time Im sure The Awakened One will know better. Arrive in a huge ball of light. Keep his message simple: Immerse yourself in water. Dont eat pork and shellfish. Wrap yourself in dynamite and walk into an American embassy.
Tokyo Mon 05/09/05