I was happy. Then I was sad. Then I was happy and sad. Actually, slightly happier than sad. Or was it sadder than happy? Anyway. I want to wander off to the woods; to watch wild geese, to chop wood and eat berries, to swim with the salmon. Or is it swim off to the wooden berries; to wander with the chopped salmon and eat wild geese? I dont know. Not sure anymore. Since I started meditating, everythings so mixed up. Im trying to lose myself. To find myself. To find myself by losing myself. Lose myself by finding myself. Enlightenments no walk in the park. Everythings connected. Nothing exists. Everything exists but nothings connected. Nirvanas Samsara. Samaras Nirvana. Maybe Ill move to the mountains. Build a log cabin and grow my own vegetables. Listen to the wind pass by and talk to the squirrels. Or maybe Ill grow a mountain and build a log squirrel. Talk to the vegetables. Listen to myself passing wind. I was happy. Then I was sad. Tokyo, Friday, 11/17/06